many thoughts running through my mind recently. well, i know what you guys went through..the crap you put up with me. really sorry for that.
i dunno bout you all..but i feel weird. u asked me many questions to why i acted this way..why i feel this way. when i say that "it's just me" it doesn't seem to be satisfactory. and i feel somehow that all u want is answers to why my actions are so questionable, and it doesn't sit well with you.
all right, i agree that what i've just typed above may be just insecurity voicing out and the devil's advocate in me, telling me you all just want answers, not reassurance. but i should know better.
thank you to you three(you know who you are) for sticking with me. in person, somehow the words just don't form. and i feel a need to further explain my actions..i don't know why.
for being so irritated these past weeks, i still don't think it's the stress. yes, i do try to study more. but if i am stressed up, it would be more toward personal issues.
why i didn't tell you all some stuff is because i myself am not sure. i don't want to admit it either. please accept this..i can't just go up and blurt it out because i'm confused myself.
for being so temperamental & moody, i guess it's my way of pushing all away. i just need my own space. and also, i have come to realise that why i'm this way sometimes is that i just can't be as happy as you guys are..sometimes i just can't laugh. and i can't pretend to laugh..i stay true to my emotions. that's why you may call me moody coz i just show it. others hide it. which is better? i don't know.
right. i don't know what to say anymore. but i have realized over the course of this 2 years, all that we have assumed & justified..let's stop it. doesn't do no good at all. it changes your impression, then your perception, then your attitude. a vicious cycle of events.
anyway don't worry..i'm really gonna try to change..stop being so crappy. bah. takes a lot of time, effort, and courage-it ain't easy.
God Bless ya all
illuminated. 9:42 PM
femme
izzabelle/izzy/bel.
a melody that reaches to Heaven.
found to be lost in words.
solitude in late nights & alone time.
penchant for ice cream & chocolate.
adores(almost to bits) the cutest dog ever.
izzabelle/izzy/bel.