Wednesday, June 29, 2005
you know.
i can live under the same roof as another, breathing the same air, using the same comp, watching the same tv, sitting just an arm's length away from each other
and i don't know him at all.
blame it on immaturity; resentment; anger; myself. i don't know what to do. and i don't know what i can do. but i will try to improve and make things better. that's gonna be a long hard road ahead.
illuminated. 12:27 AM
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
hahahaha. changed the blogskin again. like do i have a life or whut. but well i didn't realise that the guy in the pic was like half-naked! mmph. so this is all right fer me i guess. for the time being. font's gonna be smaall again. haha.
worked @ bugis today. was pretty bad. chatted a lot to my lovely buddy lyn and anyway the crowd was horribly straggly & uninterested. but thank God a few minutes into starting work this man came up to ask me about cali..and just like that i got 1 person in. :) why can't more singaporeans be that open huh. most totally shun you like the plague or block their faces with their hands as if i spread some terrible infection through my saliva. hahah. we of the narrow-minded.
then i went swordlight! quite a lot of food fer thought. today we studied more on the priesthood and all the garments the high priest wore. imagine..the 12 tribes of Israel so precious to one God that the high priest had to wear 12 precious stones on his breastplate to represent each tribe. and yet i still have reservations about attending 2 more months of miracle service for the LE challenge. what goes through my head: i could spend sat nights hanging out or pigging out or doing just something else rather than being in church. i'm in church for one whole day(sun) and one whole night(mon) every week. and if i attend miracle service then i'd be in church 1D2N!
but why does that seem to be so great a sacrifice for me when God himself has done all he possibly could for me. i seek to change from the inside out. empower me God.
illuminated. 1:36 AM
Saturday, June 25, 2005
i'm such a nut. glued to this comp for pretty long doing up a new layout. haha. was kinda bored of the previous one. too dark. and the font was too darn small, which i unfortunately could not change(dunno why). anyways this font i'm using is called minya nouvelle. like, woaahh. ultra kewl name huh. the only name nicer than mine. heh.
last day today as a waitress. yays :)
and guess what i've gotta cellgroup outing in about 6 hours? i so can't wake up later. still, i can't kayak. darnnnnnitttt. i was so looking forward to. but well, God's ways are higher than mine. grmmpph.
checked out friendster and some accounts. many have pix of two hands entwined together with the caption "holding on together forever" and cliches like that. sheesh. we humans really need someone to depend on huh. it's innate, this- a desire for love to last till eternity. yet we look for it all in the wrong places. but then..we may have never really known where to begin looking..and when to end. ahh, love. it never fails- to compound, confuse, and most of all, to champion the greatest love of all: God's.
illuminated. 3:32 AM
Friday, June 24, 2005
my feet are dehydrated. my poor wrinkled skin. must've been suffocating too much in my work shoes for the past 6 months haha. but i'm finally free as of tomorrow 11pm!! oh goshh. but it's just kinda ambivalent, my emotions: on one hand i'm really thrilled to not be a waitress; on the other i want to remain as one and relive the fun times i had. i wish i had a digicam..then i'll take a lot of pix with my colleagues and stuff and show the many faces i meet at work! argh. sadd. i've actually met all kinds of people there that i would normally not meet had i stayed in my comfort zone of sorts. that's the thing about my leading this primary sch>secondary sch>jc life: not much interaction with ppl from other walks of life. like i've never had friends from ITE. or ever met such nasty jokers before(applies to some s'poreans only). hmm.
darn holidays are almost over. and i've spent most of it working away. i wanna do things i wanna do now man.
tops on my agenda:
+ exercise!! swim & join some classes or stuff.
+ pack pigsty i call my room.
+ save save save $ for stupid uni expd.
+ earn earn earn $ so i can save save save.
+ brush up guitar skills. totally man.
+ improve my singing.
+ give outlets to my creativity like drawing & creating stuff.
let's see how well i go about doing these. hahaha.
illuminated. 1:39 AM
Sunday, June 19, 2005
oh god i am SO freakingly irritated at myself. how many stupid times must i always mess up these uni stuff? first the whole NUS fiasco at them not receiving my application. then my last minute acceptance of NTU. and noww..i have to make my way down to NTU to give them some documents on monday(the deadline)! stupid me thought that i could post it on sunday n it'll still reach on monday. sometimes i think i live in another world. man i HATE the stupid stupid paperwork & form-filling that has to be done.aughhh. one form after another with the same stupid info. grrrrrrr. soo pissed. never let me be some in some admin. dept. in the future man..i'll be the most scatterbrained secretary or the most blur admin staff around. =X
illuminated. 12:56 AM
Friday, June 17, 2005
in self-pity mode: i have varicose veins and some horrible bites on my legs now! arghh. terrible man..work is killing me. hahaha. weell but next week will be my last week! i can finally rest & relax. i can't wait to. but i'll miss some of my colleagues a lot. ah well. just worked an 11hr shift. getting a lil' lightheaded. sigh.
anyways, i'm going to NTU engrish. so cool..i'll be such a bookworm. =X i'll be spouting platitudes & conversing in rhyme pretty soon!
on a side note, i still miss somebody. or more likely...i miss the idea of that somebody. hmmmpph.
illuminated. 1:12 AM
Saturday, June 11, 2005
i am finally not working on a saturday!
and also finally going to miracle service(to serve at woodlands).
like,
FINALLY!
happiness aside, i think i'm pretty superficial on one level. on the other, i tend to be cautious & sensible. so many different "me"s. wonder who's the real me.
work situation went from bad to worse. mebbe i was too sensitive? but the insinuations behind what was said to me was kinda too blatant & cutting to deny. i've decided to just move on. afterall, to her it doesn't seem like anything has changed. no acknowledgment of what happened; no apology; just - neutrality. i'll just do my job. period.
life's too short to spend it on shoulda-woulda-coulda.
illuminated. 2:57 AM
Thursday, June 09, 2005
one of the worst possible days today at work. gonna blog it all out..so bear with me.
yeah well i was host today and seriously speaking i've kinda lost my 'magic touch' as a host. it's like..i just don't seem to have the power to control the situation anymore. i don't know why. maybe i'm too tired. or i seem like a pushover. my manager said to me, "You don't seem to be in form today." and that i do agree with her. i know i was not a bad host previously, but recently? seems like another situation altogether. anyway, i was scolded like more than five times today. my manager got irritated at me coz i kept bringing ppl to a particular table even though she had already told me that no one would want to sit there & would rather sit at other tables. i made her super pissed off as well coz i didn't follow her instructions properly for sth else. it's the way she scolded me, not really about what she scolded me for, that made me feel really bad & guilty. and what's more i was disappointed in myself coz i really was losing my touch. didn't help much that i accidentally saw her biasness. i mean i've known it's present, but lookit this: she scolded everyone except one particular female colleague whom she favours a lot. like come on, give me a break. i mean, i understand why that colleague is liked by her so much; she's a good waitress. still, the biasness was just too evident for me, and too overwhelming. can't stand it.
i wonder why i work like a slave for peanuts, for ppl who don't even appreciate it much. why am i so compassionate as to agree to work more than the average s'porean as they're short of staff? i really regret it..giving up all my time to help this stupid coffee club. i guess now that i've kinda destroyed the good impression(if any) my manager has for me, they wouldn't mind me quitting. yay. at least there's an opening here..couldn't muster the courage or find an opportunity to tell them i wanna quit.
TO FREEDOM...AND BEYOND.
illuminated. 1:11 AM
Friday, June 03, 2005
whassuupp world?!
can you believe i got lost in stupid singapore? i wanted to walk from city hall to victoria concert hall and everyone i asked gave vague directions or didn't know how to. got sooo pissed off. =X found the place at last, but i only went in for the concert at the interval. haa. so dumb huh. plus i was walking from one end of the padang to the other. they were doing some construction stuff and it was dark and deserted. hmphh. luckily i didn't get accosted; only this group of malay guys sang "pretty woman..." when i walked past. o_O
anyways after the totally not worth it concert(whoops) hung out with old buddies from hsc =) we ate at lau pa sat and then headed down to harry's. thank goodness it wasn't stinko at all! all the smokers sat outside. sadly there wasn't any jazz band playing, just this guy solo. but he is DA BOMB. amazingly gifted with his guitar man. and one of the managers or whoever at harry's is cutee. ;) just hope he isn't gay. haha. oh and before we went to the bar, we pretended to be tourists at the fullerton. super posh place man. but we got scared off by a guard walking near us and speaking into his walkie-talkie, as if we were terrorists planting bombs or sth. geez.
vainpot alert: i've gotten contacts & a new haircut! this is more 'preparation' for a concert than the minimal effort i put in for JC prom. sheesh. hahaha. well it's also partly coz i've got to attend this dinner function at ritz-carlton tomorrow. woah anyways i struggled so much to put in my contacts..my eyes just keep rejecting them! or mebbe they're too small. hmm. luckily i managed to take them(contacts, not eyes) out too whew.
P/S: i wore a new blackk dress as well today. hehe. extreeeme makeover.
nah kidding. not THAT vain.
there she goes..........
illuminated. 2:26 AM
izzabelle/izzy/bel.