thank God the issue's been resolved. although i feel weird..things will not go back to how it was before. how bittersweet- an oxymoron if i'm not wrong. still remember how i unwittingly termed such words onomatopoeia in my Lit. essay haha! i digress. so that's it. guess it's for the better too. no hard feelings.
the year's coming to a close soon..in fact VERY soon. somehow i'm not really lookin forward to 2005. my A level results will be coming out(heelp) and i probably and hopefully will be like any normal frazzled nine-to-fiver earning big bucks so i can SHOP! and save.(ha.ha.new supermarket) besides these there's the mysterious Future looming up before me. lil' scary to think abt it heh. but whatever it is, God is faithful. sings: Greeaat Is Thy Faithfulllnesss!! as a prelude to the Watchnight service on 31 Dec.
happy happy new year dahlinks.
illuminated. 2:32 AM
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
just read some reports online abt. the tsunami's waves of devastation across different countries. and i can't fathom the feelings the survivors have..that terrible sense of loss maybe, or the great relief to be alive. such disasters occurring only serve to make u realise that one's problems are but puny, a waste of one's energy and time. yet i'm still so absorbed in my crap that i can't sleep and so i'm here blogging.
i'm falling away. these few days i've been upset. angry, disappointed, hurt. and i know i've caused God much pain & probably anger as well. arghhh. gotta get rid of all these terrible emotions tt may get a foothold and incite me to sin more. stoopid devil. pray 4 me.
illuminated. 1:39 AM
Thursday, December 23, 2004
feliz navidad!
*Christmas Cheer Factor 19th Dec 04
hahaha it was pretty fun! although i think we choir ppl kinda messed up sometimes(esp. the cheena songs) but well..went alrite i guess. the skit was kewl too! basically juz had great fun singing..esp. Jingle Bell Rock & Feliz Navidad..our 2 best songs i must say. =)
* Pre-Speedlite camp: You will never walk alone 20-21 Dec 04
aaawwweeesoommmee!! okay, first time as a leader in the group MOSES. thank God for poony my co-leader. he rawks :) really went all out in the games area the first day. played captain ball with coconuts & cabbage. experienced quite a bit of coconut rain & cabbage leaves falling down during those games. my group enjoyed it man..everyone got a chance to play. glad 4 that =). as 4 e other games, most memorable was "Simply Dirty". ultra GROSS. imagine biting an apple bobbing in a pail of water when 11 other ppl have done tt b4 u, using ur mouth to find the polo sweet in flour, and rolling back n forth in soapy water. in normal circumstances, i would try to find means to excape undergoing such a game..but being the leader..weeell..haha. through it all, alvin tay & kenny were happily "helping" me along by spraying water & rubbing flour on me. i was e only rebel who tried 2 wrestle alvin tay's hose fr him n spray him instead..but i failed..sigh. anyway, i'm glad some of my group members received Christ too! Praise God. and i really pray that each of them went back learning something in the spiritual sense.
i wanna wish YOU a MERRY CHRISTMAS from the bottom of my heart!
illuminated. 11:03 PM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
contemplative right now. this entry's gonna be really just a record of the thoughts in my mind.
life after As has been pretty relaxed. only somehow i've managed to fall sick thrice i think..lost my voice,had fever & flu. well that shall not prevent me fr. goin all out to serve the Lord..esp. in the pre-speedlite camp. still feeling a bit inadequate..the same few qs. pop up: am i "spiritual" enuff, will i be able to lead well...but in reading A Purpose Driven Life this portion stood out for me, where it said that ppl God used mightily did have their shortcomings..Rahab was a prostitute, Peter was impulsive,David had many family problems. yet they overcame their insecurities & allowed God to use them. powerr.
learnt in Speedlite as well..we should make provision for success not failure. this is a really impt concept i believe..ppl tend to be conditioned negatively. so yep we gotta change our attitude.
thinking bout my As..i've like really pushed it to the back of my mind..hardly thought about it. realised that this can't do..i gotta submit my results to prayer..coz i know deep down inside i'm damn scared. hey my math is baadd. grrr..so anyways juz drop a prayer 2 God 4 me yeah whoever's reading this..that i will just be satisfied wif what God has given to me.
christmas prezzies! arghh. no job, no money..so everyone has to settle 4 home-made cards. but dun worry, my creative juices will produce something that's outta this world(i hope).
and i wanna catch up with a lot of my frenz..ppl whom i've hardly spoken to for ages. sigh. amazing how life gets you going so much u lose out on connecting with the ppl who were once really close to ya.
miss the real "connection" between friends. chatting online's just a poor substitute 4 it(at times). such compromises dun feel good at all. miss the good ole innocent days in haising. miss absorbing myself in books(i mean novels, NOT studying) all day long.
darn. my entries r getting longer. right.
illuminated. 1:09 AM
Thursday, December 09, 2004
at the cg retreat :)
illuminated. 1:30 AM
cell group! we rawk.
illuminated. 1:28 AM
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
back fr e cg retreat!
well..i think it was pretty good. wanna clarify some stuff here as well. i definitely have learnt much during this retreat..who wouldnt? it's just that i was disappointed in the first few days.i mean, a retreat's a RETREAT rite, as the name suggests? but all of us there just slacked around, chatted about crap & switched on the tv. it's like, we have been speedlighters for so long. why did we allow the standard to drop so low..too many repercussions. anyway it wasn't to be like tt for long..
Chun lek's message was definitely thought-provoking. made me think about a lot of things..the core of the message was to stop evangelising and start loving. n that's really something that struck me..i mean, we all tend to just invite ppl & that's it. don't even show that we care 4 them & want them to be part of God's family. so that's gotta change. Germaine's was good as well..i realise we really have to seek God & pray abt it and God will reveal His answer to us abt any questions we have.
anyway..about Speedlight's current state..maybe i came on a little too hard man. sigh..but i believe there's so much potential in each & every one of us speedlighters to rise up & set a good example, though it may not seem like it. as i said, was quite disappointed at the state we were in..so yeah. but well, i'm an optimist! we can make it if we want to.
the last night at the retreat was wonderful. i really didn't wanna go back out into the world again feeling the same. and i sure didn't. God truly was moving in that place as we worshiped Him. Praise the Lord =D we all shared on our walk with God this year..which is coming to a close reeallly soon.
thank God for letting me learn so much in this retreat. think i should watch what i say first next time..ppl may get the wrong idea.bahh. ah well..lookin forward to e camp comin up whoopeeeeee!
illuminated. 1:14 PM
Thursday, December 02, 2004
i've lost my voice! arghh. sound like a drowned duck..i can go sing bass in the choir. but well..it's coming back..bit by bit. i really don't know why it's gone man..didn't even shout or anything. maybe i had a lack of sleep the night before an exciting day..the kids' outreach at sentosa =)
b'coz of my cough and sore throat wasn't really into talking tt much with the kids..about 15 of them, 6 were girls. while we were in a room of sorts in the church, i was sitting at the keyboard and they all swarmed over & "terrorized" me. plonked a lot of noise on the keyboard..and one boy kept aiming a ball at my face =X. one little boy sherman became the accidental target of tt ball & he nearly wanted to cry! man tt was cute..hahaha okay.
so off to sentosa with a bunch of rowdy kids. the games were pretty fine i think..most participated. the theme of their camp was gratefulness so the games were centred around tt. they learnt how to cooperate pretty fast but there were still some quarrels haha. at the end, they had to dig opposite each other in pairs with their hands to create a tunnel & shake hands under the sand. that was an eye-opener..didn't know it could be done. so they went off to play in the water while i hung out with another helper christina. we sat at some rocks that overlooked the sea. it was beautiful: so calm and peaceful, just looking at the waves crashing against the rocks and chatting occasionally. great getaway from boring urban life.
then it was off to orchard! the kids had a map and had to write down the theme of the decorations for selected shopping malls. they were SUPER enthu-at least, my group was. grabbed tons of brochures(another part of the game) and we even ran 4 a while coz my group wanted to be the 1st. haha jogging in orchard..pretty cool huh. but during this race i saw something that struck me a lot. this little boy had asthma & he wasn't really running. another hyper kid, clarence showed him a lot of concern & carried his bag 4 him. at one point(outside chijmes) clarence gave him a piggyback. i was soo touched upon seeing tt! here's this kid, acting tough & being a nuisance(haha) but he actually cares so much 4 his friend. well it was only 4 a short while as they're both about the same size.haha..sweeet i tell u.
now that's what christmas is all about- love. these kids have taught me the simple joys in life and i really loved talking to each & every one. true, they complained quite a bit, but i tend to believe it's true blue Singaporean speak. great day out, and just too bad that my voice degenerated throughout that day. BAH! ah well, i must be grateful for all the care & concern everyone there gave me =D
so yep, pray 4 my voice to be back by 2nd dec. got a retreat coming up & lots more stuff to do. ciao~
illuminated. 1:30 AM
femme
izzabelle/izzy/bel.
a melody that reaches to Heaven.
found to be lost in words.
solitude in late nights & alone time.
penchant for ice cream & chocolate.
adores(almost to bits) the cutest dog ever.
izzabelle/izzy/bel.