Thursday, April 28, 2005
You are worthy of honour & praise
today at coffee club i was the sole host of the day.meaning that there'll be only me stationed at the entrance welcoming ppl in & to ask them how many at a table.(usually there's two peeps) really thank God that i managed it well and i didn't meet many stoopid customers! only 2 women..i seriously dun understand what's with women. can't even be polite but have to answer a question with a question. bah. okay i'm insulting my own gender here. ah well. my managers were quite pleased as well coz i managed to bring in 3 big tables of 10 or more. so really God granted me favour with my bosses. at first, i was really fretting over how i could manage coz this is my first time doing it alone. like, eeks! but my colleague then told me, "God will make a way." and truly He did.
illuminated. 1:05 AM
Saturday, April 23, 2005
i am so very blessed. and touched by the prayers ppl have prayed or are praying for me. shall really start praying for the ppl around me. reading a book on God's will now. interesting points to note..such as the difference btw. asking for a sign and putting out a fleece(the Gideon story), which is that in putting out a fleece, one already knows God's will but wants to confirm it. "fleecing" as termed by the author may be a form of weak faith coz we only wait for a signal from God and then act. i really want to break out of my own limitations and act in faith.
oh and i just remembered. the stranger who asked me and my friends for money? coincidentally(or maybe it was a God-sent answer), in Swordlight class the very next day, my co-ordinator warned us abt. this man skulking around the church asking ppl for donations. i was quite shocked that he suddenly raised it up. if i do see that man again, i am going to talk to him more..about what he's doin, about God.
kay i'm zonked! i have to stand for eleven hrs tmw. my legs are gonna be like wooden posts. woot.
illuminated. 1:53 AM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
bumpiest rollercoaster ride of my life
read the previous posts below(before this one). the saga continues...
so i thought all was fine & dandy. then my friend advised me to call up NUS again. and the big bombshell fell: they did not have my application at all. seriously. no sign of my beaUtiful name in their database.
typical reaction: s h a t t e r r e d .
so i sobbed a lil. i mean, my grades weren't that fantastic. and now i could only appeal in to see if i could apply for admittance into NUS. went all the way down there, had to report to work at a later time. then i had to write a letter for the Dean of Admissions to read to consider if i could apply.
thank God he approved.
now everything's truly fine & dandy(i hope =P ). just have to pray i can get into FASS. really unbelievable that so many things could happen in a day. first an emotional high, then an emotional low. funny how God works, but in the end, it all works well for the good of those who love Him. amen!
to all my friends who prayed for me/accompanied me there, truly appreciate you all. *muacks
illuminated. 12:22 AM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Thank You Lord!!
yesterday night/early morning today, i prayed & read the Bible. friends prayed for me. i told God i would give Him all, to have faith in Him & not worry/get upset for long. He granted me a sound sleep and also the determination to wake up early to call the unis such that i am here blogging now coz i'm really grateful to Him that everything is all right.
called NTU up, and the woman sounded bored, as if i was some kiasu nerd worrying endlessly over my uni application. hah! she told me the document wasn't crucial and though i missed the deadline i could still send it in. next was NUS, where the man was kind & heard my questions and told me i did not need to send in any additional documents(as i had feared) and my application will still be processed. truly, God is wonderful! He gave me courage to ask politely & without any nervousness. and i had told myself no matter what happened, even if i had to go in to uni next year, i still would thank Him.
i was so scared that my chances to go into a local uni will be gone with this one slight overlook at not sending the document. but as the Word says,
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind."
and
"Let not your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me(Jesus)."
as for the heading, i told God i would put it in huge words and in bold if everything was all right. and indeed it is. now all i have to do is wait for signs of life from the unis again. really pray i can get into one. right now, i'm just glad all's well again. =)
illuminated. 10:23 AM
i just blew it big time.
i've been just happily hanging around waiting for some signs of life from NUS & NTU, the 2 unis i applied to. coz as long as i get into one, i'm happy. and today i check my mail, and there's an email from NTU saying that if i don't submit a document by 18 april they will not process my application. today's the 19th. and i'm really afraid NUS won't process my application as well coz they may have asked for additional documents which i really can't remember recording down or them asking me to.
i feel like crying. blame it on my stupidity for not checking my inbox, for assuming too much, for just taking it easy.
this is gonna be a big test of faith. please pray for me all who read this.
illuminated. 1:05 AM
Monday, April 18, 2005
i encountered a really thought-provoking situation today. was walking from church to tampines int. with fellow churchmates when a stranger came up to us and asked for money to take a cab as he had a sister in hospital and he had no cash on him. i asked him where he lived(simei)and when i asked why he was here, he said he was visiting a friend. interrogated him further, asking him to call the hospital and confirm his sister is there. but my friends had already taken out some money and gave it to him, and told him "God bless you". (note: i have never done such a thing before as to really ask provoking questions to a stranger. usually when strangers come up to me i'll just give an embarrassed smile and sometimes help them out.) well i was riled. before even confirming that what the man said was true the money was handed to him. and what for even lie? we would definitely still have compassion if he had simply said he had no money for food and drink and was homeless so could we spare some money for him. my friend said that it's better to give him money now than deprive him of it such that the next day he'll rob/steal. another said once the money was handed over it would be his and he'd be free to do what he wanted with it. and for me? suddenly at that point in time i just felt that we should've heard him out first, or even try to make him tell the real reason why he wanted money. the man stank(i'm sorry but he did), and he had a real sob story. if his sister was in hospital he wouldn't have walked so slowly and kept on looking back at us. and then i started to think, does it mean that if since i didn't contribute to helping him was i a "bad christian"? like not following God's example, showing His love, blah blah. felt bloody lousy. but i really just wanted to be convinced coz you can't be taken in so easily in the real world! at least give up your money for a good cause. i'm not against my friends' views; i know this kinda thing is really a grey area. and just one line keeps repeating: what would Jesus do? i don't have a definite answer. i don't know at all.
illuminated. 12:24 AM
Monday, April 04, 2005
my ultra brilliant personality radiates an irresistable attraction that all(and i do mean all)cannot help but stop and stare. wooot.
illuminated. 12:10 AM
Saturday, April 02, 2005
getitalloutintotheopengiveavoicetothecryingofmysoul.
it's not that i can't get over you. it's that i can't get over my memories of you. or rather, what once was.
we busy, busy bees, all buzzing around in our own hives of activity. you just don't seem to care at all. while i am trying to not care anymore. the irony.
what do i want? i don't rightly know meself. maybe i want more than this sorry state we turned ourselves into now- but we can't be greedy.
i try to forget. i try to forgive. but there's a damn blockade stuck in those traffic lanes; i can only remember. and then i try to forget. i try to forgive.
i'm still sad. i wonder why. when i should be thankful. i mean, we're leading pretty happy lives to say the least. you've got your buddies, i've got my clique. life is good.
shutoutthemusicdrownoutthenoiseitsjustmeagainstitall.
illuminated. 11:07 PM
izzabelle/izzy/bel.